Child Inclusive
Mediation
Child inclusive mediation gives your children the chance to talk to a specially trained mediator on their own, so their wishes and feelings can be part of the arrangements you make. Your children are never asked to choose between you or to make decisions. Mediate UK offers it as a fixed fee add-on to your mediation for £199 per parent plus VAT, covering the assessment, the meeting with your children and a feedback session.
- Your children speak privately to a specially trained mediator
- They are never asked to choose a parent or make decisions
- £199 per parent plus VAT, from assessment through to feedback
Child inclusive mediation, often shortened to CIM, is a structured process where a specially trained mediator meets your children on their own and then feeds back to you both. Children generally want to be consulted about decisions that affect them, and both the Children Act 1989 and the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child recognise their right to have their views taken into account. It is considered best practice to find out what your children think before you finalise arrangements for them.
Children frequently hold things back from mum and dad, not out of fear but because they do not want to upset either of you or seem to take sides. A neutral person with no agenda gives them somewhere to say those things safely. Both of you must agree before it can go ahead, and your children can decline.
What is included in the fee
- A 30-minute assessment meeting with both parents and the CIM mediator
- A letter written directly to your children, inviting them and explaining the process
- A one-hour meeting between your children and the CIM mediator
- A 30-minute feedback session with both parents
- £199 per parent plus VAT
Why choose child inclusive mediation?
They are never asked to choose
It fits around your mediation
One fixed fee
Your children feel heard
Specially trained mediators
Better arrangements
Get up to £500 towards your mediation
What actually happens?
Both of you must agree before anything is arranged, and each of you has a right of veto. Once you have both signed the agreement, the mediator writes directly to your children to invite them, explaining that it is voluntary and confidential and that they do not have to take part.
The meeting itself is deliberately informal and pitched at your children’s age. The mediator asks open questions such as how the current routine works for them, what life feels like at the moment, and whether anything at home could change that would help. Your children are seen on their own, without either parent present, and they decide together with the mediator whether they are seen individually or together where there is more than one.
- Both parents must agree, and either can decline
- Your children can decline, and are never made to take part
- Your children are seen alone, in person or by video
- Your children control what is fed back to you
- Feedback is verbal and given to you both together
How does the mediation process work?
Raised at your MIAM
Both parents agree.
Assessment and invitation
Your children's meeting
Feedback
Start the process now
Book your first appointment online in a few minutes, at a time that suits you.
When child inclusive mediation is not right
It is not suitable in every case, and your mediator will assess this with you. It may not be appropriate where your children are very young, where child services are involved and take the view it would not help, where there are safeguarding concerns, where several agencies are already involved, where a child is receiving counselling and their counsellor advises against it, or where either parent does not agree.
It is also not a way of handing the decision to your children. Research consistently shows that children do not want to be put in the position of choosing, particularly where a choice would look like favouring one parent. Child inclusive mediation is about their wishes and feelings, not choices and decisions. You then use this to make decisions in their best interest.
How much does child inclusive mediation cost?
FIXED FEE
30-minute assessment meeting with both parents
A letter written directly to your children
One-hour meeting between your children and the mediator
30-minute feedback session with both parents
Up to £500
If you have not already used your voucher on your mediation sessions, it can cover the cost of hearing from your children.
Meet your family mediators
What families say about working with us
“Mediation was very helpful. I don't know how things would have turned out had we not had mediation, but I imagine it could have been much more distressing for all of us. Chloe was kind, clear and professional at all times.”
“Great service, straight forward, very professional and would recommend to any father who is going through hard time with child care or family court issues. Thank you for quick and prompt help.”
“Appointment was swift and to the point, relevant questions asked towards the case. And I felt like I was supported for the first time as a father as we don't seem to get a lot of it.”
FAQ
Child inclusive mediation is a structured process where a specially trained mediator meets your children on their own to find out their wishes and feelings, and then feeds back to both parents. It is used alongside family mediation to help you make better arrangements for your children. Your children are never asked to choose between you or to make decisions, and they decide for themselves what is passed on to you. At Mediate UK it costs £199 per parent plus VAT, covering a 30-minute assessment with the parents, a letter to your children, a one-hour meeting with them and a 30-minute feedback session.
Children aged 10 and over should be made aware that they can take part, provided both parents agree. That does not rule out younger children, and it is assessed case by case depending on the child’s understanding and the circumstances. There is no upper age limit. Older children often get the most from it, particularly as the court would not usually make a child arrangements order for a child over 16, so their views carry considerable weight.
No, never. The mediator asks open questions about how things feel for your children at the moment, what works and what does not, and whether anything could change that would help. They are not asked to pick a parent or make a decision. Research consistently shows that children do not want that responsibility, particularly where a choice would look like taking sides. The decisions remain with you as parents, informed by what your children have said.
Yes. Child inclusive mediation requires the agreement of both parents, and each of you has a right of veto, so it cannot go ahead if one of you does not want it. It is also best not to mention it to your children until you have both signed the agreement, so they are not told about something that may not happen. Worth knowing: if your case later goes to court, you do not have the same right of veto if a judge decides CAFCASS should speak to your children.
Whatever your children want you to know. That is the guiding principle, and it is what makes the process work. The mediator asks your children at the end what they are happy to be passed on, and anything they ask to keep private stays private. What comes back is often the things they have not felt able to say to you directly, usually not out of fear but because they do not want to upset either of you or seem disloyal. Feedback is given verbally to both of you together, so you do not receive a written report, and you can take notes but not record the session. The mediator’s own notes from the meeting are confidential and are not released unless a court orders it.
That is one of the things discussed with you during the assessment, and where possible we let your children decide. What matters most is that they feel comfortable enough to speak freely. Some siblings prefer the reassurance of being seen together, others say more on their own, particularly where there is a age gap between them. Even where they are seen together, the mediator can offer each of them time on their own for part of the meeting. If you and your children have different views on this, the mediator will talk it through with you before anything is arranged.
Then they do not have to. The process is voluntary for them as well as for you. The mediator writes to your children directly, explains what it involves, and makes clear that it is their choice and that what they say is confidential. If they decline, nothing further happens and it does not affect your mediation.
Ready to hear what your children's view is?
Child inclusive mediation costs £199 per parent plus VAT and sits alongside your mediation. Book your MIAM to get started, or take a free 15-minute call first if you would rather talk it through.
Need something specific? Book an urgent MIAM, check your legal aid eligibility, or call us on 0330 999 0959.
Related types of mediation services
Co-Mediation
Co-mediation puts two mediators in the room instead of one, which helps when a case is complex, emotionally charged, or covers both children and finances. You get two sets of skills, a better balance in the room and far less chance of getting stuck. In many cases there is no extra cost to you at all.
In Person Mediation
In person mediation brings you both together in the same room with your mediator, which many people find easier than talking through a screen. You sit down face to face, work through the issues in order, and leave with decisions written up the same day. It suits couples who can be in a room together and want it settled.
Joint Mediation
Joint mediation is the usual format, where you and your ex meet with the mediator together, online or in person, and work through everything in the same conversation. Hearing each other directly tends to reach an agreement faster and costs less than going back and forth. Your mediator keeps the discussion balanced and on track throughout.